In order to develop good anger management techniques, you must first understand what provokes anger, and the body’s natural response to anger.  Anger is precipitated by the body’s natural chemical responses to increased physical arousal, emotions, and accompanying behaviors, that result when a person feels threatened, or perceives a threat or loss. The threat does not necessarily have to be a threat of personal, physical harm.  It can be a threat to their self-esteem, when they believe their feelings are challenged or discounted by another. 

The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for “fight or flight.” How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they have been conditioned as a child or learned later in life, whether with good anger management techniques or negative ones.  Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques.  Every person has triggers that set off their anger.  Here are the most common reasons people become angry:

The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for “fight or flight.” How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they were conditioned as a child or learned later in life, with good anger management techniques or negative ones.  Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques.  Every person alive has triggers that set off their anger. 

Here are the most common reasons people become angry:
•    Threats, or perceived threats to their body or property
•    A threat to their values (disagreeing with something someone is doing, such as kicking a dog, or not following the rules)
•    When someone insists they do something they don’t want to do
•    When someone hurts or betrays them, and they feel a loss of trust
•    When they attempt to escape guilty feelings over something they do not want to feel or admit to themselves
•    When they believe their feelings are discounted, and their sense of self esteem is compromised
•    When expectations are not met (realistic, or unrealistic expectations) and they don’t get their way 

Recognizing what provokes your anger, or what pushes your buttons, is the first step toward implementing good anger management techniques. 

Try to recognize signs that you are getting angry,  such as:
•    Heart Pounding
•    Sweating, especially sweaty palms
•    Tunnel vision
•    Fist or jaw clenching
•    Buzzing sound in your ears
•    Headache or dizziness

When you are able to recognize the symptoms of your anger when they begin, you are much more likely to walk away.  Once the initial adrenaline rush of anger passes, you are much more likely to react with proactive, good anger management techniques, such as discussion, or simply distancing yourself from the people or events you know will provoke your anger.

We tend to learn behaviors from those around us, and anger, like anger management, can be a learned behavior. If we have lived with people who express anger, in negative ways, we are most likely to use the same approach.  The good news is that negative behaviors can be unlearned, and positive ones can be learned to replace the old, negative behaviors we have struggled with.

The key to changing old, destructive patterns of reacting to situations that make you angry, is to learn what causes, or contributes to, your feelings of anger.  The following are common causes that provoke anger.

•    Frustration and stress often cause people to react with anger.
•    Being extremely tired can cause people to lose their patience, and become irritable, and that can lead to angry reactions.

•    Keeping feelings bottled up inside can cause people to explode over minor issues.
•    When people feel that they are not understood, or worse, that their feelings are being ignored, and don’t matter, it can cause an angry outburst.

Consequences of Uncontrolled Anger
Anger can actually cause, or worsen, health problems. 

Anger can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.  According to several double blind studies, some over a 25 year period, those high levels of hostility were directly correlated to dying not only from heart attacks and strokes, but from cancer as well.  Further, anger that is kept bottled up inside, can lead to personality changes, behavior problems, and depression. 

Poor anger management is a key factor in domestic violence, child abuse, relationship problems, behavior problems, workplace violence, substance abuse, school and workplace violence and delinquency, and criminal behavior.                                                                             

Help For Those with Poor Anger Management Skills
Controlling the destructive aspects of anger, and reacting to it in productive, rather than destructive,  ways can even be healthy.  Only when your anger controls you, instead of you controlling your anger, does it lead to problems. 

Anger can cause problems with your family, friends, personal relationships, and anger can effect your overall quality of life, but anger can’t be totally eliminated from anyone’s life. Things will always happen that cause you to be angry, and sometimes the anger is justified. 

Frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others are a part of life that you can’t change, but you can control the way you let things affect you, and you can learn, through anger management techniques, to react in constructive ways, rather than the same, old destructive ways that damage your health, and your relationships with others.

The increased instances of poor anger management or a lack of impulse control, which is a direct cause of poor anger management, and children committing horrendous crimes such as murdering other children, committing school shootings, and killing their parents, have led some people to wonder if  some children just born bad.  Are there really bad seeds, or are these children a product of nurture or nature, or a combination of both?

There is some evidence that excessive stress during the pregnancy can cause a higher level of testosterone in hormonal bathing that leads to a child who is chemically more prone to anger and hostility, there may be organic brain dysfunctional causes that precipitate children toward such aggressive, angry, and destructive behavior.  Another possible reason for these tendencies could be severe physical abuse leading to damage of the frontal lobes of the child’s developing brain, which is the area helping control impulses and reactions.

Children, who experience family aggression, or those whose needs are neglected by their parents, grow up angry, thinking that no one cares about them.  Excessive stress in their early lives may cause changes in brain their chemistry.  These neglected and abused children grow up seeing others as objects to be used. Their lack of early socialization skills and bonding make them into uncaring adults who feel justified in hurting others. They see the aggressor in the home as holding all the power and they crave that power for themselves, so they become aggressive and feel no remorse over forcing their will on others.

Children and teenagers can be violent, and even deadly.  Some young people turn to violence, because they do not see other ways to endure what they’re feeling at that moment. They may not understand the consequences of violent behavior. 

These tips may help when you recognize a child who is withdrawing or exploding over everyday frustrations:                                                           

•    Show confidence in his or her ability to develop good anger management skills, and model positive behaviors.

•    Tell your child that everyone experiences anger, talk about the last time you felt really angry, and share the positive ways of handling their anger.

•    Encourage the child to walk away from their stressors, and spend some time doing things he or she really likes to do, like sports, walking the dog, reading a book, etc.  A change of scenery or activity can provide distraction from the source of the anger.

•    Teach basic problem solving skills and anger management.  When upsetting things happen, the child who has practiced these skills will be more likely to think through the consequences and ultimately be better able to make choices other than violence.

•    Look at your own anger management skills.  Are you teaching good skills for children to model? 

If none of these approaches work, seek help. Talk to a doctor or pediatrician. You may decide that your child and family need help from someone with more mental health training to learn positive to deal with anger management issues.

In the past, ‘blowing off steam’ was considered a healthy form of anger management, because it was believed to be unhealthy to keep anger bottled up inside.  Unfortunately, despite evidence that blowing up does not solve problems (and causes trauma for the others involved) some people still believe in so-called “Healthy” expressions of anger, that often leave those at whom the anger is directed, devastated in its wake.

People who can’t stand feeling helpless get angry instead.  Anger and adrenaline gives the illusion of being more in control of the situation, when nothing could be less true.  Getting angry instead of feeling ashamed or anxious, allows people to avoid having to deal with the real problem, but that does not make the problem go away, so the anger just continues to spiral out of control, until it manifests itself in the most negative aspects of poor anger management.

Some people with poor anger management skills believe they have the right to vent their frustrations on others verbally, physically, or by breaking things.  Angry outbursts don’t alleviate the feeling of being threatened, the fear, or the sense of betrayal that hides underneath the anger.  Angry people tend to block vulnerable feelings of hurt, sadness, guilt and vulnerability, but the emotions often surface as anger, and become a substitute emotion for the other emotions they keep buried.

A person who believes they have a right to vent anger on others never quite matures, or grows up emotionally.  They remain stuck in a child-like reactive state when they feel frustrated, instead of responding with positive anger management methods, respond with temper tantrums, screaming, name calling, and responses that increase anger, by causing the body to produce even more adrenaline.

Screaming may give a temporary relief from anger, but yelling, name calling, and swearing never solves problems.  In fact, the habit of yelling breaks down natural inhibitions that most people have about not acting out their harmful impulses.  Habitual reactions, like yelling, create pathways in the brain making it easier for the pattern to be repeated, and gradually encroaches in every aspect of life.   Hostility breeds hostility, and open expressions of hostility harm not only everyone in the path of the rage, they harm the person who has failed to attain a level of maturity to learn effective anger management skills most of all, by alienating those who truly love them.   

The most important step in anger management is realizing if you are easily provoked and have an angry personality, and learning to take responsibility for your responses to anger and irritation.  Angry people live with high levels of frustration, but good anger management techniques allow them to learn to keep their aggravation under control, by accepting their temperament, and accepting the responsibility of dealing with it, by learning anger management techniques to deal with the cues and triggers that can quickly turn to anger.  By practicing stress management techniques regularly, and using physical exercise to work off their irritation, they are able to recognize the beginning signs of anger, and take a time out to chill out, minimizing the likelihood of venting their anger on others.

Mature people try to practice positive ways to deal with their anger in an argument.  One positive way to deal with anger against loved ones is to make a contract that they can leave during a fight, whenever they feel that they might lose control.  Just go to a private place for time out.  In private they do damage control techniques like waiting out the initial rush of the anger, and trying to think from the other person’s viewpoint, to bring their anger level down and then return to deal with the problem.

Accepting that you have an anger prone personality and recognizing the need to actively work toward anger management in order to live a happier life, makes the difference in managing anger successfully.  A commitment to study and take parenting classes to seek more effective ways of disciplining their children, taking anger management classes, and participating in couples counseling, helps to learn better ways of being with the people they work and live with. 

Some people with high degrees of frustration keep tabs on themselves and work at diffusing their anger responses, through positive anger management methods; because their conscience tells them that their outbursts hurt others.  Some people recognize that they are acting out angry responses they learned from their own parents, and sending that legacy down to their own children.  Some get help because their partner gives them the ultimatum of threatening to leave them if they don’t get help. A few get help only after they lose their spouse and families, but sadly, some never learn anger management methods that could save their families, if not their own lives.

In order to develop good anger management techniques, you must first understand what provokes anger, and the body’s natural response to anger.  Anger is precipitated by the body’s natural chemical responses to increased physical arousal, emotions, and accompanying behaviors, that result when a person feels threatened, or perceives a threat or loss. The threat does not necessarily have to be a threat of personal, physical harm.  It can be a threat to their self-esteem, when they believe their feelings are challenged or discounted by another. 

The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for “fight or flight.” How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they have been conditioned as a child or learned later in life, whether with good anger management techniques or negative ones.  Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques.  Every person alive has triggers that set off their anger.  Here are the most common reasons people become angry:

Threats or perceived threats to their body or property
•    A threat to their values (disagreeing with something someone is doing, such as kicking a dog, or not following the rules)
•    When someone insists they do something they don’t want to do
•    When someone hurts or betrays them, and they feel a loss of trust
•    When they attempt to escape guilty feelings over something they do not want to feel or admit to themselves
•    When they believe their feelings are discounted, and their sense of self esteem is compromised
•    When expectations are not met (realistic, or unrealistic expectations) and they don’t get their way 

Recognizing what provokes your anger, or what pushes your buttons, is the first step toward implementing good anger management techniques.  Instead of exploding, or reacting badly, try to recognize the signs that you are getting angry, such as:
•    Heart Pounding
•    Sweating, especially sweaty palms
•    Tunnel vision
•    Fist or jaw clenching
•    Buzzing sound in your ears
•    Headache or dizziness

When you are able to recognize the symptoms of your anger when they begin, you are much more likely to walk away.  Once the initial adrenaline rush of anger passes, you are much more likely to react with proactive, good anger management techniques, such as discussion, or simply distancing yourself from the people or events you know will provoke your anger.

While we all must learn good anger management tactics, it’s normal for humans to be angry, when they feel threatened, or feel betrayed, and are able to express the pain we feel.  Our bodies are conditioned to prepare us to flee or fight when we are faced with threats, and when we are angry, our bodies are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, to prepare us to defend ourselves.  We may not be able to control our body’s reaction to loss, threats or trauma, but we can learn anger management, and act in acceptable ways.  All anger is not bad.  We can control our anger, rather than allowing our anger to control us.

Sometimes anger is a justified response that can be used to allow people to make, needed changes in their lives.  At times, anger is justified in unfair situations, and the energy that anger provokes is what it takes to get away from harmful situations.  Anger can be used to help you protect yourself when you are in danger, or to help you take action, if you are stuck in a bad or dangerous situation.  Good anger management techniques are essential in these situations.

Anger can be a way to deal with the feelings of frustration because things are not going as the person wants, and poor anger management skills can spell disaster in people prone to this type of anger.  Twenty percent of people have angry personalities.  If you choose to be around someone who gets frustrated easily, and expresses anger explosively, your quality of life will be drastically changed by living with a habitually angry person who has negative anger management techniques.

Check out potential partner’s coping patterns, by seeing how he treats the significant others in his life when he is upset.  If he treats them badly, chances are he will treat you badly too. See how he acts when he is upset and threatened, especially when under the influence of alcohol or drugs, which tend to exacerbate poor anger management skills, and don’t be foolish enough to think you can change anger patterns another has had many years to practice, before meeting you.  Anger coping patterns lie deep within the psyche and do not change unless the person makes a strong commitment to become a better person.  People with poor anger management skills need a structured program of anger management or therapy to learn how to change destructive behavior.

None of us are immune to the negative aspects of anger and poor anger management.  Every single person has experienced anger at some time in their lives.  Since anger is a normal human reaction, often learned by young people, who have not attained the maturity to learn good anger management techniques, or live in homes where the adults have not learned productive anger management techniques, and have modeled their behavior, it is important that the whole family is actively committed to, learning good anger management techniques. 

School shootings, physical violence among families, friends, associates, and loved ones, are proof and manifestations of the fact that poor anger management is, especially in young people, on the rise.  Whether you blame the increase in anger related crimes, such as assault, murder, rape, physical and emotional abuse, on a lack of parental supervision, violence in video games or television, or other causes, the manifestations of poor anger management are becoming more and more commonplace, and increasing numbers of people are seeking professional help to gain control of the destructive effects of poor anger management.

Both internal and external events can cause anger.  Anger can be directed at a specific person (a friend, teacher, or parent) an event (academic challenges, loss of a loved one) or by frustration or worry over personal problems. There are many common causes for anger in school. Young people are easily frustrated and become angry when faced with difficult challenges. It is hard not to get angry when you feel you don’t fit in, don’t understand an assignment or project, when you fail a test, or fail to reach a goal.  Frustration can lead to anger.  Many students get angry at their parents or teachers, because they don’t feel the rules are fair.  Sometimes anger occurs, without even knowing exactly why you are angry.  There are times it cannot be controlled and this is when we should seek help.
The worst thing you can do is deny your anger.  While you want to learn to manage your anger, so that your anger does not cause you to do harmful things to yourself or others, when you hold your feelings inside, they can lead to an explosion, and the only way to prevent that, is to learn good anger management techniques.

Perhaps the most problematic area in the anger management field is a serious psychological disorder called intermittent explosive disorder.  Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is a fairly rare disorder of the brain characterized by explosive outbursts of behavior like throwing, breaking things, inflicting physical harm on others with little or no provocation. It is an impulse control disorder that is sometimes linked to temporal lobe epilepsy. It has also been suggested by studies as the underlying cause of road rage.   

It’s estimated that up to 7.3% of adults, or from 11.5 to 16 million Americans, suffer from I.E.D. at some time during their lives, but  it’s believed the actual percentages are much higher, as I.E.D. tends to overlap in individuals with bipolar disorder, and people diagnosed with bipolar disorder were excluded from the testing.  I.E.D is believed to be one of the most dangerous, destructive of mental disorders.  It is characterized by angry outbursts resulting in violence or destruction of property, and can be exacerbated by the use of alcohol or recreational drugs, such as Crystal Methamphetamines.  This mental disorder is believed to be linked to crimes such as domestic violence, child abuse, assault, rape, murder, road rage, and violent robberies, and does not respond well to normal methods of anger management.  People with this disorder are prone to violent outbursts or impulsive aggressiveness grossly out of proportion to the precipitating event.

I.E.D. is thought to begin in the early teen years, and is often brushed aside as bullying by someone who chooses not to practice positive methods of anger management.   Since the onset of I.E.D. occurs at such an early age, it is proposed that those exhibiting symptoms of I.E.D. be tested at the first sign of a problem, often while they are still in school.

I.E.D. is known to predispose sufferers for conditions such as depression and anxiety, alcohol and drug abuse, and contributes heavily to dysfunctional behaviors resulting domestic violence, criminal behavior, and divorce.  71.2% of people with I.E.D never seek or receive any treatment, other than classic anger management techniques, which, while effective to a degree, need to be utilized in conjunction with medications, since treatment is achieved through both cognitive behavioral therapy, to help the patient recognize and deal with destructive impulses, and psychotropic medication regimens, because those who have unprovoked violence associated with the disorder, show loss of cells and abnormalities in the left hemisphere of the brain, and multiple drug regimens are frequently indicated for these patients.

Whether it is road rage, a provoked emotional outpouring of anger, or losing your temper over something silly, every one of us have lost our tempers at one time or another.  Anger management only becomes an issue when we are no longer able to control our anger, and have destructive outbursts.  A destructive outburst does not necessarily mean that you have broken something, or physically hurt someone, as a manifestation of your anger, it just means that, because of your inability to control your angry responses to a real or perceived stimulus, you have done something harmful to someone, something, or even to yourself. 

When your anger controls you, you may feel you are at the mercy of something that you can not control.  Anger can cause you to do things you normally would never do, and even things you could regret for the rest of your life.  Anger can even affect your physical well-being in more ways than one.  Studies have shown that anger causes your heart rate and blood pressure to rise.  Hormones, like adrenaline and noradrenaline, also rise when you are angry.  Anger can push you backwards emotionally, into the cave men era, when the fight or flight response was the only way to stay alive in an uncivilized world, so not only does uncontrolled anger effect your life in the areas of your personal relationships with others, it effects you physically as well.

Anger management is a learned skill, so it’s more common in youngsters and teens, who have not learned good coping skills to deal with their anger.  Should you feel you are at risk of losing your temper in a way that could harm you, or others, you should always seek professional help.  Ask your parents, pastor, physician, school counselor, or a trusted, responsible friend for help.

The following is a list of suggestions for when you begin to feel your anger getting out of control.
1.  Take a time out.  Just take a break away from the object of your anger.
2.  Beat a pillow or punching bag.
3.  Draw or illustrate your feelings of anger.
4.  Write about your feelings.
    5.  Run around the block, exercise, or do hard physical labor.   

These may not be long term solutions, but can provide an opportunity for your initial feelings of rage a chance to cool, so you can think more logically about your options for anger management.