- Anger Management Therapy: Mature Ways Of Dealing With Anger
- Know What Provokes Anger
- Anger Management And Causes Of Anger
- Anger Management And The Bad Seed
- Emotional Immaturity and Anger Management
Anger Management Therapy: Mature Ways Of Dealing With Anger
The most important step in anger management is realizing if you are easily provoked and have an angry personality. Learning to take responsibility for your responses to anger and irritation.
Angry people live with high levels of frustration. But good anger management therapy techniques allow them to learn to keep their aggravation under control, by accepting their temperament. Accepting the responsibility of dealing with it. By learning anger management techniques to deal with the cues and triggers that can quickly turn to anger.
By practicing stress management techniques regularly. Using physical exercise to work off their irritation. They are able to recognize the beginning signs of anger, and take a time out to chill out, minimizing the likelihood of venting their anger on others.
Mature people try to practice positive ways to deal
With their anger in an argument. One positive way to deal with anger against loved ones is to make a contract that they can leave during a fight. Whenever they feel that they might lose control. Just go to a private place for time out.
In private they do damage control techniques like waiting out the initial rush of the anger. Trying to think from the other person’s viewpoint, to bring their anger level down and then return to deal with the problem.
Accepting that you have an anger prone personality and recognizing the need to actively work toward anger management therapy in order to live a happier life. Makes the difference in managing anger successfully. A commitment to study and take parenting classes to seek more effective ways of disciplining their children, taking anger management classes. Participating in couples counseling, helps to learn better ways of being with the people they work and live with.
Some people with high degrees of frustration keep tabs on themselves and work at diffusing their anger responses, through positive anger management therapy methods; because their conscience tells them that their outbursts hurt others.
Some people recognize that they are acting out angry responses they learned from their own parents. Sending that legacy down to their own children. Some get help because their partner gives them the ultimatum of threatening to leave them if they don’t get help. A few get help only after they lose their spouse and families, but sadly, some never learn anger management methods that could save their families, if not their own lives.
Know What Provokes Anger
In order to develop good anger management techniques, you must first understand what provokes anger, and the body’s natural response to anger. Anger is precipitated by the body’s natural chemical responses to increased physical arousal, emotions, and accompanying behaviors, that result when a person feels threatened, or perceives a threat or loss.
The threat does not necessarily have to be a threat of personal, physical harm. It can be a threat to their self-esteem, when they believe their feelings are challenged or discounted by another.
The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for “fight or flight.” How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they have been conditioned as a child or learned later in life, whether with good anger management techniques or negative ones.
Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques. Every person has triggers that set off their anger. Here are the most common reasons people become angry:
The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for “fight or flight.” How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they were conditioned as a child or learned later in life, with good anger management therapy techniques or negative ones.
Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques. Every person alive has triggers that set off their anger.
Here are the most common reasons people become angry:
- Threats, or perceived threats to their body or property
- A threat to their values (disagreeing with something someone is doing, such as kicking a dog, or not following the rules)
- When someone insists they do something they don’t want to do
- When someone hurts or betrays them, and they feel a loss of trust
- They attempt to escape guilty feelings over something they do not want to feel or admit to themselves
- They believe their feelings are discounted, and their sense of self esteem is compromised
- When expectations are not met (realistic, or unrealistic expectations) and they don’t get their way
Recognizing what provokes your anger, or what pushes your buttons, is the first step toward implementing good anger management techniques.
Try to recognize signs that you are getting angry, such as:
- Heart Pounding
- Sweating, especially sweaty palms
- Tunnel vision
- Fist or jaw clenching
- Buzzing sound in your ears
- Headache or dizziness
When you are able to recognize the symptoms of your anger when they begin, you are much more likely to walk away. Once the initial adrenaline rush of anger passes, you are much more likely to react with proactive, good anger management techniques, such as discussion, or simply distancing yourself from the people or events you know will provoke your anger.
Anger Management And Causes Of Anger
We tend to learn behaviors from those around us, and anger, like anger management, can be a learned behavior. If we have lived with people who express anger, in negative ways, we are most likely to use the same approach. The good news is that negative behaviors can be unlearned, and positive ones can be learned to replace the old, negative behaviors we have struggled with.
The key to changing old, destructive patterns of reacting to situations that make you angry, is to learn what causes, or contributes to, your feelings of anger. The following are common causes that provoke anger.
- Frustration and stress often cause people to react with anger.
- Being extremely tired can cause people to lose their patience, and become irritable, and that can lead to angry reactions.
- Keeping feelings bottled up inside can cause people to explode over minor issues.
- When people feel that they are not understood, or worse, that their feelings are being ignored, and don’t matter, it can cause an angry outburst.
Consequences of Uncontrolled Anger
Anger can actually cause, or worsen, health problems.
Anger can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. According to several double blind studies, some over a 25 year period, those high levels of hostility were directly correlated to dying not only from heart attacks and strokes, but from cancer as well. Further, anger that is kept bottled up inside, can lead to personality changes, behavior problems, and depression.
Poor anger management is a key factor in domestic violence, child abuse, relationship problems, behavior problems, workplace violence, substance abuse, school and workplace violence and delinquency, and criminal behavior.
Help For Those with Poor Anger Management Skills
Controlling the destructive aspects of anger, and reacting to it in productive, rather than destructive, ways can even be healthy. Only when your anger controls you, instead of you controlling your anger, does it lead to problems.
Anger can cause problems with your family, friends, personal relationships, and anger can effect your overall quality of life, but anger can’t be totally eliminated from anyone’s life. Things will always happen that cause you to be angry, and sometimes the anger is justified.
Frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others are a part of life that you can’t change, but you can control the way you let things affect you, and you can learn, through anger management techniques, to react in constructive ways, rather than the same, old destructive ways that damage your health, and your relationships with others.
Anger Management And The Bad Seed
The increased instances of poor anger management or a lack of impulse control, which is a direct cause of poor anger management, and children committing horrendous crimes such as murdering other children, committing school shootings, and killing their parents, have led some people to wonder if some children just born bad. Are there really bad seeds, or are these children a product of nurture or nature, or a combination of both?
There is some evidence that excessive stress during the pregnancy can cause a higher level of testosterone in hormonal bathing that leads to a child who is chemically more prone to anger and hostility, there may be organic brain dysfunctional causes that precipitate children toward such aggressive, angry, and destructive behavior.
Another possible reason for these tendencies could be severe physical abuse leading to damage of the frontal lobes of the child’s developing brain, which is the area helping control impulses and reactions.
Children, who experience family aggression, or those whose needs are neglected by their parents, grow up angry, thinking that no one cares about them. Excessive stress in their early lives may cause changes in brain their chemistry.
These neglected and abused children grow up seeing others as objects to be used. Their lack of early socialization skills and bonding make them into uncaring adults who feel justified in hurting others. They see the aggressor in the home as holding all the power and they crave that power for themselves. So they become aggressive and feel no remorse over forcing their will on others.
Children and teenagers can be violent, and even deadly
Some young people turn to violence, because they do not see other ways to endure what they’re feeling at that moment. They may not understand the consequences of violent behavior.
These tips may help when you recognize a child who is withdrawing or exploding over everyday frustrations:
- Show confidence in his or her ability to develop good anger management skills, and model positive behaviors.
- Tell your child that everyone experiences anger, talk about the last time you felt really angry. And share the positive ways of handling their anger.
- Encourage the child to walk away from their stressors. Spend some time doing things he or she really likes to do, like sports, walking the dog, reading a book, etc. A change of scenery or activity can provide distraction from the source of the anger.
- Teach basic problem solving skills and anger management. When upsetting things happen, the child who has practiced these skills will be more likely to think through the consequences. Ultimately be better able to make choices other than violence.
- Look at your own anger management skills. Are you teaching good skills for children to model?
If none of these approaches work, seek help. Talk to a doctor or pediatrician. You may decide that your child and family need help from someone with more mental health training to learn positive to deal with anger management issues.
Emotional Immaturity and Anger Management
In the past, ‘blowing off steam’ was considered a healthy form of anger management. Because it was believed to be unhealthy to keep anger bottled up inside. Unfortunately, despite evidence that blowing up does not solve problems (and causes trauma for the others involved) some people still believe in so-called “Healthy” expressions of anger. That often leave those at whom the anger is directed, devastated in its wake.
People who can’t stand feeling helpless get angry instead. Anger and adrenaline gives the illusion of being more in control of the situation, when nothing could be less true. Getting angry instead of feeling ashamed or anxious. Allows people to avoid having to deal with the real problem. But that does not make the problem go away, so the anger just continues to spiral out of control. Until it manifests itself in the most negative aspects of poor anger management therapy.
Some people with poor anger management skills believe
They have the right to vent their frustrations on others verbally, physically, or by breaking things.
Angry outbursts don’t alleviate the feeling of being threatened, the fear. The sense of betrayal that hides underneath the anger. Angry people tend to block vulnerable feelings of hurt, sadness, guilt and vulnerability. But the emotions often surface as anger, and become a substitute emotion for the other emotions they keep buried.
A person who believes they have a right to vent anger on others never quite matures. Grows up emotionally. They remain stuck in a child-like reactive state when they feel frustrated. Instead of responding with positive anger management methods. Respond with temper tantrums, screaming, name calling. Responses that increase anger, by causing the body to produce even more adrenaline.
Screaming may give a temporary relief from anger. But yelling, name calling, and swearing never solves problems. In fact, the habit of yelling breaks down natural inhibitions that most people have about not acting out their harmful impulses.
Habitual reactions, like yelling, create pathways in the brain making it easier for the pattern to be repeated. Gradually encroaches in every aspect of life. Hostility breeds hostility, and open expressions of hostility harm not only everyone in the path of the rage. They harm the person who has failed to attain a level of maturity to learn effective anger management therapy skills most of all. By alienating those who truly love them.